But, it is change. And Obama has continuously insisted that it not cost the tax payers anything more then they are paying now.

Of course there are some politicians… *cough*Republicans*cough* who tout this as a huge waste of money. But it seems clear that the public wants reform. Will this ultimately save me and my children money? Who knows. Will it help more people get health care who can’t get it now? Most likely.

That in itself is worth the vote.

Here’s Onward Oregon’s take on this:

Speak Up for Health Reform Done Right

Links:

List of Congressional Town Hall Meetings throughout Oregon

Archimedes Movement: Health Reform Talking Points

Send a Quick Message Now
For the first time in US history, health reform that moves us closer to universal insurance coverage has a chance of passing at the national level. If you’ve been watching or reading the political buzz, you’ll notice that there are efforts underway to derail this process – to prevent reform from moving out of committees to passage in the Senate and House. YOU can make a difference during this August recess.

Your congressional delegation – representative and senators – need to hear from you that you’re ready for reform. They need to hear voices that will drown out the disruptive tactics that are taking place today. And those disruptive voices have only one agenda – keep change from happening. They have nothing to add in terms of substantive ideas; they just want to make legislators believe their constituents like things the way they are. If you don’t step up, the only message they’ll carry back to DC is that people in their district are afraid of change. And we know better.

» Let Congress know that you want real health reform
There are three things you can do to make your voice heard, and we can’t stress enough how much your senator and representative need to hear from you today. You can:

1) Attend a local congressional town hall in your area. August recess is the time when your Congressman and Senators are ‘in district,’ meaning it’s a time for them to hear from you – up close and personal. And when you go to the town hall, speak up. Tell them what you think, ask questions. Our partners at the Archimedes Movement have helped us with some talking points and a continually updated page listing town hall meetings in Oregon.

2) Whether you can make it to a town hall or not, call your senators and representative and tell them you want a bill that passes this fall, and tell them what you want in the bill. You can simply say, “I support the overhaul of our health care system so that it is focused on health while lowering cost. A public insurance option is a good element, but we must also transform the way care is delivered so that we do a better job of preventing and managing illness.” (The two senators serve the entire state. If you are not sure which is your representative visit OnwardOregon.org/find)
Senator Ron Wyden: D.C. (202) 224-5244, Portland (503) 326-7525, Eugene (541) 431-0229, LaGrande (541) 962-7691, Medford (541) 858-5122 Bend (541) 330-9142, Salem (503) 589-4555, wyden.senate.gov
Senator Jeff Merkley: D.C. (202) 224-3753, Portland (503) 326-3386, Eugene (541) 465-6750, Medford (541) 608-9102 Bend (541) 318-1298, Salem (503) 362-8102, merkley.senate.gov
Rep. Greg Walden: D.C. 202-225-6730, LaGrande 541-624-2400, Medford 541-776-4646 Bend 541-389-4408, walden.house.gov
Rep. Kurt Schrader: D.C. (202) 225-5711, Salem toll free: 1-877-301-Kurt (5878), Oregon City (503) 557-1324, schrader.house.gov
Rep. Peter DeFazio: D.C. (202) 225-6416, Eugene (541) 465-6732 , Coos Bay (541) 269-2609, Roseburg (541) 440-3523, defazio.house.gov
Rep. David Wu: D.C. (202) 225-0855, Portland (503) 326-2901, www.house.gov/wu/
Rep. Earl Blumenaur: D.C.(202) 225-4811, Portland (503) 231-2300, blumenauer.house.gov
Even if you do both 1 and 2 above, please also do number three!

3) Let Congress know that you want real health reform
To quickly send a message to Congress, follow this link.
Thank you for your participation,
The All-Volunteer Team at Onward Oregon
www.OnwardOregon.org

——————————
Taitz Moves For Authentication Of Kenyan Birth Certificate From Orly Taitz, Esq 8-2-9

Motion For Rogatory Discovery To Authenticate Kenyan Birth Certificate Of Barack Hussein Obama

August 2nd, 2009

8:09-cv-00082-DOC-AN Ambassador Alan Keyes PhD, et al v. Barack Hussein Obama, et al (ANx), DISCOVERY, MANADR

UNITED STATES DISTRICT COURT, CENTRAL DISTRICT OF CALIFORNIA

Notice of Electronic Filing

The following transaction was entered by Taitz, Orly on 8/1/2009 at10:08 PM PDT and filed on 8/1/2009
Case Name: Ambassador Alan Keyes PhD, et al v. Barack Hussein Obama, et al
Case Number: 8:09-cv-82
Filer: Alan Keyes PhD
Document Number: 34
Docket Text:
NOTICE OF MOTION AND MOTION to Expedite authentication, MOTION for Issuance of Letters Rogatory for authenticity of Kenyan birth certificate filed by Plaintiff Alan Keyes PhD. (Attachments: # (1) Appendix Photocopy of Obama’s birth certificate from Kenya)(Taitz, Orly)

8:09-cv-82 Notice has been electronically mailed to:
UNITED STATES OF AMERICA david.dejute@usdoj.gov
Orly Taitz dr_taitz@yahoo.com
8:09-cv-82 Notice has been delivered by First Class U. S. Mail or by fax to: :

The following document(s) are associated with this transaction:
Document description:

Dr. Orly Taitz
Attorney-at-Law
Orly Taitz Law Offices
26302 La Paz, Suite 211
Mission Viejo, California 92691
Telephone: (949) 683-5411
E-Mail: dr_taitz@yahoo.com
UNITED STATES DISTRICT COURT FOR THE CENTRAL DISTRICT OF CALIFORNIA SANTA ANA (SOUTHERN) DIVISION

Captain Pamela Barnett,
Lt. Colonel Richard Norton Bauerbach,
Captain Robin D. Biron
Colonel John D. Blair,
Mr. David L. Bosley,
Ms. Loretta G. Bosley,
Captain Harry G. Butler,
Representative Glenn Casada, Tennessee,
Jennifer Leah Clark,
Representive Timothy Comerford, NH,
Charles Crusemire,
Representative Cynthia Davis,
Chief Warrant O. Thomas S. Davidson SACV09-00082-DOC (Anx),
Matthew Michael Edwards,
Lt. Jason Freese,
Mr. Kurt C. Fuqua,
Officer Clint Grimes,
Representative Casey Guernsey, Missouri
Julliett Ireland,
D. Andrew Johnson,
Israel D. Jones,
Timothy Jones,
Alan Keyes, Ph.D.,
Commander David Fullmer LaRoque,
Gail Lightfoot,
Lita M. Lott,
Major David Grant Mosby,
MSGT Steven Kay Neuenschwander,
Representative Frank Niceley, Tennessee
Retired Senator Jerry O’Neil, Montana,
SFC E7 Robert Lee Perry ,
Representative Larry Rappaport, NH
Colonel Harry Riley,
Sergeant Jeffrey Wayne Rosner,
MSGT Jeffrey Schwilk,
Captain David Smithey,
Lt. Commander John Bruce Steidel,
Cmdr. Douglas Earl Stoeppelwerth,
Thomas J Taylor,
Representative Eric Swafford, Tennessee
Captain Neil B. Turner,
Richard E. Venable,
LCDR Jeff Graham Winthrope, and
Lt. Colonel Mark Wriggle,

Plaintiffs, v.

Barack Hussein Obama,
Michelle L.R. Obama,
Hillary Rodham Clinton, Secretary of State,
Robert M. Gates, Secretary of Defense,
Joseph R. Biden, Vice-President and President of the Senate,

Defendants.
SPECIAL MOTION FOR LEAVE TO CONDUCT PRE-RULE 26(f) DISCOVERY TO DEFENDANT HILLARY RODHAM CLINTON and CERTAIN NON-PARTY WITNESSES TO PERPETUATE TESTIMONY, PRESERVE EVIDENCE, and to TRANSMIT LETTERS ROGATORY PURSUANT to 28 U.S.C. 1781(a)(2)-(b)(2)

The undersigned counsel for Plaintiffs has acquired possession of a color copy of one certain document (attached as Exhibit A to this motion), regarding which there are no ready means of authentication except by recovery of the original document. As should be apparent from the nature and content of the document, if authenticated, and shown to be genuine, the contents of this document will significantly narrow and shorten the discovery and pre-trial litigation period necessary in this case, and might lead to an early resolution by settlement or transfer of these proceedings to the United States House of Representatives and Senate according the procedures outlined in the Constitution.

It is also apparent (and hearsay evidence available to Plaintiffs counsel aggravates her concerns) that political pressure may be brought to bear to destroy all relevant evidence, whether such evidence exists within or outside the borders of the United States of America.

It would appear to the undersigned counsel that either 28 U.S.C. 1781(a)(2) or 28 U.S.C. 1782(b)(2) or some combination of these statutory authorizations outlines the procedures by which to transmit letters rogatory and other requests to the proper authorities abroad in Kenya and the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland.

For two classes of evidence at issue here, namely all requests for relevant passport materials and other documents existing within the United States of America, as well as all requests to be made through diplomatic channels to foreign tribunals, Defendant HILLARY RODHAM CLINTON is the Secretary of State of the United States of America, and accordingly, Secretary Clinton is the first and primary proper target of letters rogatory to be submitted pursuant to 28 U.S.C. 1781(a)(2).

FIRST, Plaintiffs pray that this court authorize Plaintiffs to issue a special subpoena for deposition duces tecum to Secretary HILLARY RODHAM CLINTON be cited to appear within 21 days pursuant to (or in the letter and spirit of) Rule 27 of the Federal Rules of Civil Procedure (even though this action has been filed and served, many months will pass before the Rule 26(f) Conference can be held to plan for discovery among the parties). The purpose of Rule 27, even though designed for pre-filing discovery, is fulfilled and relevant here, in that some (above-noted) hearsay evidence exists that an individual involved in the examination of passport files at the United States Department of State relating to and involving certain 2008 Presidential candidates may have been killed in relation to such inquiry. Last year it was announced by former Secretary of State Candoleeza Rice that there was tampering with the passport records of three major presidential candidates and it was investigated by the inspector general. Lt. Querl Harris was one of the suspects in passport tampering scandal. Washington post has announced that he was cooperating with the FBI and shortly thereafter he was found dead, shot in the head, sitting in his parked car. This case remains open and unresolved. Under such
circumstances, “perpetuation of evidence” becomes a more and more significant and time-sensitive issue.

SECOND, Plaintiffs pray that this court will send a request for letters rogatory pursuant to 28 U.S.C.1781(a)(2) to Defendant HILLARY RODHAM CLINTON and other relevant officers in the United States Department of State to issue and transmit letters rogatory through proper diplomatic channels to the following foreign offices of public
record and vital statistics:

For the Republic of Kenya:
KENYA
The Principal Civil Registrar
Dept of Civil Registration
Office of the President
PO Box 49179
Nairobi
Kenya
Tel: 227461

And/or

Office of the Principal Registrar
Deputy Registrar
Births, Deaths, and Marriages for the
Coast Province of Kenya
(or its modern successor, equivalent jurisdiction) in and for
MOMBASA, KENYA
(formerly British East Africa)

and/or

Kenya High Commission
45 Portland Place
London W1B 1AS
Tel No. 020 7636 2371
E-maiL: info.uk@kenyahighcommission.net
info.uk@kenyahighcommission.net
http://www.kenyahighcommission.net/searchcertappforms.html

And/or

www.direct.gov.uk
General Register Office
http://www.gro.gov.uk/gro/content/certificates/contact_us.asp
Certificate Services Section
http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/TravelAndTransport/Passports/WhoiseligibleforaBritishpassport/DG_174145
General Register Office
PO Box 2
SOUTHPORT
PR8 2JD
Tel: +44 (0) 845 603 7788 (8am to 8pm Monday to Friday. Saturday 9am to 4pm).

THIRD and in the alternative, Plaintiffs pray that this court issue and transmit letters rogatory and requests directly to each of the above-and-foregoing listed foreign offices or agencies (or to the relevant tribunals with appropriate jurisdiction in the relevant countries) without the intervention or assistance of Defendant HILLARY RODHAM CLINTON and/or other officers of the Department of State and/or the Department of Justice of the United States of America.

It is urgent that this request be prosecuted prior to the normal onset of discovery in this case, again, according to the general letter and spirit of Rule 27 of the Federal Rules of Civil Procedureregarding the perpetuation of testimony. There has never been aconstitutional challenge to the identity and eligibility of a sitting President of the United States and so there are no direct precedents regarding this matter, but it is fairly safe to say that the potential consequences and fallout from this present filing being made public will be severe and significant, even though the undersigned counsel makes absolutely no pre-judgment or prediction regarding the actual authenticity of the document of which only a color copy taken by a camera at an odd angle, which is attached herein as Exhibit A.

PRAYER FOR RELIEF

For all of the above-and-foregoing reasons, Plaintiffs pray that this court will grant leave to the Plaintiffs to conduct the aforementioned special discovery immediately and prior to the normal Rule 26(f) Conference, pursuant to Rule 27 and all or some subset of the procedures authorized in 28 U.S.C. 1781(a)(2)-1781(b)(2). Although the urgency of this request cannot be overstated, 21 days is the normal time for service of such a request as this under Rule 27 of the Federal Rules, and the undersigned counsel reminds the Court that she will be out of the United States from August 2, 2009, to August 24, 2009.
Respectfully submitted,
Saturday, August 1, 2009
Lughnasadh/LaLunasa
By:________________________________

Dr. Orly Taitz, Esq. (SBN 223433)
Attorney for the Plaintiffs
26302 La Paz, Suite 211
Mission Viejo, California 92691
Telephone (949) 683-5411
E-Mail: dr_taitz@yahoo.com

PROOF OF SERVICE
I the undersigned Charles Edward Lincoln, being over the age of 18 and not a party to this case, so hereby declare under penalty of perjury that on this Saturday August 1, 2009, I provided facsimile copies of the Plaintiffs above-and-foregoing SPECIAL MOTION FOR LEAVE TO CONDUCT PRE-RULE 26(f) DISCOVERY TO DEFENDANT HILLARY RODHAM CLINTON and CERTAIN NON-PARTY WITNESSES TO PERPETUATE TESTIMONY, PRESERVE EVIDENCE, and TRANSMIT LETTERS ROGATORY PURSUANT to 28 U.S.C. 1781(a)(2)-(b)(2) to all of the following non-party attorneys whose names were affixed to the STATEMENT OF INTEREST who have appeared in this case in accordance with the local rules of the Central District of California, to wit:

THOMAS P. O’BRIEN
LEON W. WEIDMAN
ROGER E. WEST
DAVID A. DeJUTE
FACSIMILE (213) 894-7819
DONE AND EXECUTED ON THIS 1st day of August, 2009

Charles Edward Lincoln, III
charles.lincoln@rocketmail.com
Tel: (512) 923-1889

Exhibit A:
Unauthenticated Color Photocopy of Certified Copy of Registration of Birth from the

Coast Province of Kenya
District of Mombasa
District Registry Office
Office of the Principal Registrar
Republic of Kenya, issued on the
17th day of February, 19

Orly Taitz DDS Esq

26302 La Paz ste 211
Mission Viejo Ca 92691

29839 S. Margarita Pkwy
Rancho Santa Margarita Ca 92688

ph. w 949-586-8110 c-949-683-5411
fax 949-586-2082

He was only off by seven years.

http://gawker.com/5324026/sarah-palins-gradual-descent-into-incoherency

Case closed right? Wrong. It’s a forgery! In addition, the number of lies and deceits that would have to be put in place to support a forgery are just plain staggering and would be impossible to keep silent.

We’ll see what Lou Dobbs has to say about this soon.

Originally posted: http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=%2Fc%2Fa%2F2009%2F07%2F13%2FMN0218DVJ8.DTL

(07-13) 04:00 PDT Washington — Dick Peixoto planted hedges of fennel and flowering cilantro around his organic vegetable fields in the Pajaro Valley near Watsonville to harbor beneficial insects, an alternative to pesticides.

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He has since ripped out such plants in the name of food safety, because his big customers demand sterile buffers around his crops. No vegetation. No water. No wildlife of any kind.

“I was driving by a field where a squirrel fed off the end of the field, and so 30 feet in we had to destroy the crop,” he said. “On one field where a deer walked through, didn’t eat anything, just walked through and you could see the tracks, we had to take out 30 feet on each side of the tracks and annihilate the crop.”

In the verdant farmland surrounding Monterey Bay, a national marine sanctuary and one of the world’s biological jewels, scorched-earth strategies are being imposed on hundreds of thousands of acres in the quest for an antiseptic field of greens. And the scheme is about to go national.

Invisible to a public that sees only the headlines of the latest food-safety scare – spinach, peppers and now cookie dough – ponds are being poisoned and bulldozed. Vegetation harboring pollinators and filtering storm runoff is being cleared. Fences and poison baits line wildlife corridors. Birds, frogs, mice and deer – and anything that shelters them – are caught in a raging battle in the Salinas Valley against E. coli O157:H7, a lethal, food-borne bacteria.

In pending legislation and in proposed federal regulations, the push for food safety butts up against the movement toward biologically diverse farming methods, while evidence suggests that industrial agriculture may be the bigger culprit.

‘Foolhardy’ approach

“Sanitizing American agriculture, aside from being impossible, is foolhardy,” said UC Berkeley food guru Michael Pollan, who most recently made his case for smaller-scale farming in the documentary film “Food, Inc.” “You have to think about what’s the logical end point of looking at food this way. It’s food grown indoors hydroponically.”

Scientists do not know how the killer E. coli pathogen, which dwells mainly in the guts of cattle, made its way to a spinach field near San Juan Bautista (San Benito County) in 2006, leaving four people dead, 35 with acute kidney failure and 103 hospitalized.

The deadly bug first appeared in hamburger meat in the early 1980s and migrated to certain kinds of produce, mainly lettuce and other leafy greens that are cut, mixed and bagged for the convenience of supermarket shoppers. Hundreds of thousands of the bug can fit on the head of a pin; as few as 10 can lodge in a salad and end in lifelong disability, including organ failure.

Going national

For many giant food retailers, the choice between a dead pond and a dead child is no choice at all. Industry has paid more than $100 million in court settlements and verdicts in spinach and lettuce lawsuits, a fraction of the lost sales involved.

Galvanized by the spinach disaster, large growers instituted a quasi-governmental program of new protocols for growing greens safely, called the “leafy greens marketing agreement.” A proposal was submitted last month in Washington to take these rules nationwide.

A food safety bill sponsored by Rep. Henry Waxman, D-Los Angeles, passed this month in the House Energy and Commerce Committee. It would give new powers to the Food and Drug Administration to regulate all farms and produce in an attempt to fix the problem. The bill would require consideration of farm diversity and environmental rules, but would leave much to the FDA.

An Amish farmer in Ohio who uses horses to plow his fields could find himself caught in a net aimed 2,000 miles away at a feral pig in San Benito County. While he may pick, pack and sell his greens in one day because he does not refrigerate, the bagged lettuce trucked from Salinas with a 17-day shelf life may be considered safer.

The leafy-green agreement is based on available science, but it is just a jumping-off point.

Large produce buyers have compiled secret “super metrics” that go much further. Farmers must follow them if they expect to sell their crops. These can include vast bare-dirt buffers, elimination of wildlife, and strict rules on water sources. To enforce these rules, retail buyers have sent forth armies of food-safety auditors, many of them trained in indoor processing plants, to inspect fields.

Keeping children out

“They’re used to working inside the factory walls,” said Ken Kimes, owner of New Natives farms in Aptos (Santa Cruz County) and a board member of the Community Alliance With Family Farmers, a California group. “If they’re not prepared for the farm landscape, it can come as quite a shock to them. Some of this stuff that they want, you just can’t actually do.”

Auditors have told Kimes that no children younger than 5 can be allowed on his farm for fear of diapers. He has been asked to issue identification badges to all visitors.

Not only do the rules conflict with organic and environmental standards; many are simply unscientific. Surprisingly little is known about how E. coli is transmitted from cow to table.

Reducing E. coli

Scientists have created a vaccine to reduce E. coli in livestock, and a White House working group announced plans Tuesday to boost safety standards for eggs and meat. This month, the group is expected to issue draft guidelines for reducing E. coli contamination in leafy greens, tomatoes and melons.

Some science suggests that removing vegetation near field crops could make food less safe. Vegetation and wetlands are a landscape’s lungs and kidneys, filtering out not just fertilizers, sediments and pesticides, but also pathogens. UC Davis scientists found that vegetation buffers can remove as much as 98 percent of E. coli from surface water. UC Davis advisers warn that some rodents prefer cleared areas.

Produce buyers compete to demand the most draconian standards, said Jo Ann Baumgartner, head of the Wild Farm Alliance in Watsonville, so that they can sell their products as the “safest.”

State agencies responsible for California’s water, air and wildlife have been unable to find out from buyers what they are demanding.

They do know that trees have been bulldozed along the riparian corridors of the Salinas Valley, while poison-filled tubes targeting rodents dot lettuce fields. Dying rodents have led to deaths of owls and hawks that naturally control rodents.

Unscientific approach

“It’s all based on panic and fear, and the science is not there,” said Dr. Andy Gordus, an environmental scientist with the California Department of Fish and Game.

Preliminary results released in April from a two-year study by the state wildlife agency, UC Davis and the U.S. Department of Agriculture found that less than one-half of 1 percent of 866 wild animals tested positive for E. coli O157:H7 in Central California.

Frogs are unrelated to E. coli, but their remains in bags of mechanically harvested greens are unsightly, Gordus said, so “the industry has been using food safety as a premise to eliminate frogs.”

Farmers are told that ponds used to recycle irrigation water are unsafe. So they bulldoze the ponds and pump more groundwater, opening more of the aquifer to saltwater intrusion, said Jill Wilson, an environmental scientist at the Central Coast Regional Water Quality Control Board in San Luis Obispo.

Wilson said demands for 450-foot dirt buffers remove the agency’s chief means of preventing pollution from entering streams and rivers. Jovita Pajarillo, associate director of the water division in the San Francisco office of the Environmental Protection Agency, said removal of vegetative buffers threatens Arroyo Seco, one of the last remaining stretches of habitat for steelhead trout.

Turning down clients

“It’s been a problem for us trying to balance the organic growing methods with the food safety requirements,” Peixoto said. “At some point, we can’t really meet their criteria. We just tell them that’s all we can do, and we have to turn down that customer.”

Large retailers did not respond to requests for comment. Food trade groups in Washington suggested calling other trade groups, which didn’t comment.

Chiquita/Fresh Express, a large Salinas produce handler, told the advocacy group Food and Water Watch that the company has “developed extensive additional guidelines for the procurement of leafy greens and other produce, but we consider such guidelines to be our confidential and proprietary information.”

Seattle trial lawyer Bill Marler, who represented many of the plaintiffs in the 2006 E. coli outbreak in spinach, said, “If we want to have bagged spinach and lettuce available 24/7, 12 months of the year, it comes with costs.”

Still, he said, the industry rules won’t stop lawsuits or eliminate the risk of processed greens cut in fields, mingled in large baths, put in bags that must be chilled from packing plant to kitchen, and shipped thousands of miles away.

“In 16 years of handling nearly every major food-borne illness outbreak in America, I can tell you I’ve never had a case where it’s been linked to a farmers’ market,” Marler said.

“Could it happen? Absolutely. But the big problem has been the mass-produced product. What you’re seeing is this rub between trying to make it as clean as possible so they don’t poison anybody, but still not wanting to come to the reality that it may be the industrialized process that’s making it all so risky.”

Some major recent outbreaks of food-borne illness

The Food and Drug Administration lists 40 food-borne pathogens. Among the more common: E-coli O157:H7, salmonella, listeria, campylobacter, botulism and hepatitis A.

June 2009: E. coli O157:H7 found in Nestle Toll House refrigerated cookie dough manufactured in Danville, Va., resulted in the recall of 3.6 million packages. Seventy-two people in 30 states were sickened. No traces found on equipment or workers; investigators are looking at flour and other ingredients.

October 2008: Salmonella found in peanut butter from a Peanut Corp. of America plant in Georgia. Nine people died, and an estimated 22,500 were sickened. Criminal negligence was alleged after the product tested positive and was shipped.

June 2008: Salmonella Saintpaul traced to serrano peppers grown in Mexico. More than 1,000 people were sickened in 41 states, with 203 reported hospitalizations and at least one death. Tomatoes were suspected, devastating growers.

April 2007: E. coli O157:H7 found in beef, sickening 14 people. United Food Group recalled 5.7 million pounds of meat.

December 2006: E. coli O157:H7 traced to Taco Bell restaurants in New Jersey and Long Island, N.Y. Green onions suspected, then lettuce. Thirty-nine people were sickened, some with acute kidney failure.

September 2006: E. coli O157:H7 found in Dole bagged spinach processed at Earthbound Farms in San Juan Bautista (San Benito County). The outbreak killed four people, sent 103 to hospitals, and devastated the spinach industry.

E-mail Carolyn Lochhead at clochhead@sfchronicle.com.

Apparently it was hidden away by the Orthodox Church on a small island off the coast of Ethiopia in 700 B.C. Patriarch of the Orthodox Church of Ethiopia, Abuna Pauolos announced this during a recent visit with Pope Benedict XVI

Of course with the Ark being revealed, this means Christ is returning and the rapture will soon be upon us. After all, why else would the Ark be soon revealed at all? Plus there is no way this could be a fake Ark as the Patriarch himself has seen it with his own eyes!

Here is a list of ways to stop the Kang Nam I for “inspections” and/or resolve this whole North Korea problem for once and all.

1.) “Leaked” reports from “top officials” in the Pentagon saying the ship is spilling oil at a huge rate and killing endangered sea life. Another source “leaks” the current location of the ship to Green Peace.

2.) “Give” the USS John McCain over to a nice small country… maybe Somalia. The “Somalian Pirates” with their new found fire power then take over the ship themselves and ransom it back to North Korea.

3.) Seal Teams. Throw the bodies over board and leave the ship abandoned after searching it. Claim it’s a new Mary Celeste

4.) ECM Pulse the Kang Nam I. Transmit false SOS signals to Taiwanese, Japanese, or South Korean ships in the area for help. And don’t even try to tell me an AEGIS Cruiser can’t create an ECM pulse.

5.) Have the US Ambassador capitulate. The Great United States will stand down in favor of North Korea. In fact, we surrender to North Korea. Here are the plans for a better long range nuclear missile, and some really cool tanks. Would you like to have dinner in your White House? Oh… and there are some guys down in the Appalachian Mountains who would LOVE to show you the United States “real” gold treasury.

6.) Say “Fuck It,” and Nuke North Korea’s capital and all it’s military bases. Hope the Chinese like their trillions of dollars of US bank notes and Treasury Bonds too much to retaliate. Disguise it as a rouge meteor strike for extra points.

7.) Send in James Bond to assassinate Kim Jong-il.

8.) Can you say “Quarantine?” Air bomb the ship with small pox, swine flu, etc, etc.

9.) Send Kim Jong-ilBritney Spears.

10.) Take all the gang members from jails around the country. Forge them into an elite military unit who’s job is assassinate Kim Jong-il. If successful, they’ll each be given freedom and will be given military weapons to take on their rivals in the streets. Or just drop them on the shores of the country and tell them it’s their new home.

11.) Air Drop billions of pounds of food and money all over the country. Add in notes saying “To the North Korean People, with love from the United States.

I’m sure there are many more options, but over all I think the Military is doing the best it can in this situation. We can’t really afford to have another war, and honestly it seems that North Korea is just itching to try out it’s new nuclear missiles anyways. If it does come to war, I hope it’s a stand off type. We only shoot at Military targets, destroy their ships and air planes. Drop aid to the population, and pray China doesn’t come in on their side.

What gets me about this case is the fact that the RIAA believes that their music is worth this amount of money. Even their attempted settlements of $3000 per a song is unacceptable. With companies such as Magnatune making money off the “pay as much as you want” business model, it’s hard to take the large companies seriously any more.

Add in the amount of crap they’re putting out, and artists leaving the music labels in droves (any being even more successful,) it makes even less sense that these companies are playing such hard ball.

But, I guess I missed the lesson plan in business class that says “Alienate your Customers.”